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Instagram post 2175700278079554947_22225316

Just when I thought I had grief figured out, I discover a new level, a new complexity, and a new line of thought to work through. I guess that’s what infertility does to a person - it reveals new depths of sorrow and sadness that demand to be felt. I’ve been spending the last few weeks in those trenches, and I’m not going to lie: it’s been hard and, at times, completely debilitating.⠀
⠀
But there are moments when I’m able to poke my head above the trenches and remember what it’s like to feel joy. To feel alive. To know that my life is still so beautiful and valuable and worth while. So, here’s a picture of me in one of those moments: my first time driving the new build on the Jeep and conquering big obstacles with relative ease.⠀
⠀
And I’m learning, that just like this Jeep, sometimes we aren’t equipped for the big, hard obstacles. Sometimes, we have to get taken apart so that we can get put back together with stronger, more resilient parts. Then, and only then, can we conquer the big obstacles. We just have to be willing to be broken down first.⠀
⠀
So here I am, universe. You can break me down. But then you have to help me rebuild with stronger, more capable parts, so I can conquer this new obstacle without looking back.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #jeepxj #xjcherokee #infertilitysucks #ttccommunity #xjlife #utah4x4 #cancersurvivor #jeepcherokee #infertilitywarrior #griefsupport #beutahful #utahisrad

Instagram post 2167190372686802741_22225316

Dressing up as a pumpkin head this year, obviously.

#thatauthenticfeeling #liveunscripted #littlestoriesofmylife #abmhappylife #pursuehappy #alittlebeautyeveryday #livemoremagic #bloggerdiaries #livefullyalive #livewithintention #liveyourbestlife #imsobloggingthis #utahfashion #igutah #utahstyle #saltlakecity #celebratetheeverydaylife #heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #mysisterscloset #mscbestie #pumpkinhead

Instagram post 2166414783516381387_22225316

October is a big month for raising awareness on important topics, including Domestic Violence. As someone with a close friend who was in a very tense domestic violence situation (and who had pets that made it hard to just leave ASAP) I’m honored to join @purina and @redroverorg in their Take The Lead #purpleleashproject social media challenge. We’re raising awareness for the lack of pet-friendly domestic violence shelters. Let’s make some noise and help domestic abuse victims and their pets get out of dangerous situations for good!

I’m challenging @aplumb580 @sadie__banks and @karli__ellis and ALL of you to Take The Lead for the #purpleleashproject with me!

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #ad #domesticviolenceawareness #domesticabuse #purinaproplan #goldendoodleselfie #goldendoodledaily #doodledog #goldenretrieversrule

Instagram post 2165769613049472118_22225316

One minute you’re young and cool...#ad⠀
⠀
And the next, you’re getting really excited about a new vacuum...there is no in between.⠀
⠀
If my new @ecovacs_us Deebot was a person, I would hug it daily. It has kept the dog fur dust bunnies completely under control at absolutely no effort on my part (I used to vacuum every other day just to try to keep the dog hair somewhat under control.) I just set a schedule and like clockwork, it runs every night at 5:30, sucking up all of the dirt and grass the dogs drag in, along with all the Rosie Roo hair. BONUS: it also has a mopping feature so I’ll be able to stay on top of the mud as we get into the wet winter months.⠀
⠀
Anyone else feel like they could benefit from a little vacuum buddy like my deebot?⠀ #moremetimewithecovacs #allforyou #nothingmissed #heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #vacuum #robotvacuum #giftideasforher #dogmomlife #furmom #dogmama #goldendoodlesofinsta #adultingishard #adultlife

Instagram post 2158346489798524973_22225316

How do you mend a broken jack-o-lantern?⠀
⠀
With a pumpkin patch! 🎃

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #pumpkinpatch #pumpkinpicking #punnyjokes #draperutah #pumpkinpicking #falloutfits #fallsweater #sweaterweather #sweaterseason #autumncolors #autumnoutfit #puns

Instagram post 2155651032118925870_22225316

I am 1 in 4.
After we lost our baby two years ago, I learned how truly complex grief is. For the first few weeks, I literally felt like the sadness would swallow me up whole. I questioned everything about my life and who I am and my future. I questioned my faith. I felt like I had “done my time” so to say, with cancer, and wanted to know why I was being given another burden to carry. I found myself hating my body and feeling like it had betrayed me once again. I literally wanted to crawl out of my skin and sleep for days.

Even now, two years later, I have days where I still feel so sad, and then I almost feel bad about it. I mean, we weren’t pregnant for very long, this happens very frequently, we didn’t meet this baby, we didn’t even get to hear the heartbeat. But here’s the truth: Dustin and I lost our baby. And that comes with a very deep and real pain that demands to be felt.
So to the women who are in the 1 in 4 club with me: it’s okay if you still feel sad, even years later. It’s okay if you still grieve. It’s okay to feel however you feel. I’m sorry that you’re in the club with me, but I’m here for you. I see you. I love you. You are not alone.
I am 1 in 4.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #pregnancyloss #pregnancylossawareness #pregnancylosssupport #miscarriageawareness #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #cancersurvivor #childhoodcancerawareness #childhoodcancer

Instagram post 2154750565339819011_22225316

If we were having lunch, I’d tell you...⠀
⠀
That I recently got promoted at work! You’re looking at the new Content Manager for @shopmscb! I would tell you how much I enjoy my job, the people I work with, and the people I serve. I have never felt so fulfilled or aligned in what I’m doing.

I would tell you how, on a regular Wednesday afternoon a few weeks ago, I decided to do some research on my cancer treatment and infertility because something just wasn’t sitting right with me. I would tell you how my heart dropped right to my gut when I came across a list of chemos that are most likely to cause infertility and saw two of my three chemos listed there. I would tell you how Dustin held me while I sobbed, feeling frustrated that no one has taken my health history seriously enough to look into this, and terrified that our pregnancy two years ago was the only one I’ll ever get to experience. ⠀
⠀
If we were having lunch, I would tell you that we made an appointment with a fertility specialist at the fertility clinic for this month. I’m terrified. But I’m also tired of waiting for someone to take my health history seriously. I would tell you that I’m doing my best to advocate for myself and to take my health into my own hands. ⠀
⠀
I would tell you that this week is historically hard for me. I’ll be mourning the loss of our baby on October 15th and that I’ll be mourning the loss of my darling friend and roommate from my cancer floor the next day. And in the midst of the grief, I’ll be trying to celebrate my official remission anniversary and 13 years being cancer free.

I would tell you how, despite how hard October is for me, I still love this month so much. That Autumn makes my soul feel alive and reminds me how beautiful and necessary change is. I would tell you that, despite how heartbroken I feel right now, I still feel so completely alive. I would tell you that I’m happy. That I still believe in miracles. And that I am hopeful for what the future will bring.

#heytherechelsie #childhoodcancer #childhoodcancersucks #pediatriccancer #cancersurvivor #infertilitysucks #infertilityjourney #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #childhoodcancersurvivor #ttc

Instagram post 2145477146429388077_22225316

For most people, October is the month of scary movies. I am NOT one of those people. #ad We’re pumped that the Yesterday DVD is now available at @walmart so that we can cozy up with each other and the doggos for a fun movie night without the nightmares! @yesterdaymovie has it all: good music, a mesmerizing story, and lots of laughs along the way. Add some popcorn, candles, and twinkle lights and you have my kind of October movie night!⠀
Have you seen Yesterday yet?⠀
⠀
#yesterdaymovieatwalmart #pmedja #heytherechelsie #movienights #fallnight #fallnights #autumnnights #datenightideas #datenights #moviedate #movielovers #goldendoodle_daily #goldenretriever_

Hey There, Chelsie

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Instagram post 2175700278079554947_22225316

Just when I thought I had grief figured out, I discover a new level, a new complexity, and a new line of thought to work through. I guess that’s what infertility does to a person - it reveals new depths of sorrow and sadness that demand to be felt. I’ve been spending the last few weeks in those trenches, and I’m not going to lie: it’s been hard and, at times, completely debilitating.⠀
⠀
But there are moments when I’m able to poke my head above the trenches and remember what it’s like to feel joy. To feel alive. To know that my life is still so beautiful and valuable and worth while. So, here’s a picture of me in one of those moments: my first time driving the new build on the Jeep and conquering big obstacles with relative ease.⠀
⠀
And I’m learning, that just like this Jeep, sometimes we aren’t equipped for the big, hard obstacles. Sometimes, we have to get taken apart so that we can get put back together with stronger, more resilient parts. Then, and only then, can we conquer the big obstacles. We just have to be willing to be broken down first.⠀
⠀
So here I am, universe. You can break me down. But then you have to help me rebuild with stronger, more capable parts, so I can conquer this new obstacle without looking back.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #jeepxj #xjcherokee #infertilitysucks #ttccommunity #xjlife #utah4x4 #cancersurvivor #jeepcherokee #infertilitywarrior #griefsupport #beutahful #utahisrad

Instagram post 2167190372686802741_22225316

Dressing up as a pumpkin head this year, obviously.

#thatauthenticfeeling #liveunscripted #littlestoriesofmylife #abmhappylife #pursuehappy #alittlebeautyeveryday #livemoremagic #bloggerdiaries #livefullyalive #livewithintention #liveyourbestlife #imsobloggingthis #utahfashion #igutah #utahstyle #saltlakecity #celebratetheeverydaylife #heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #mysisterscloset #mscbestie #pumpkinhead

Instagram post 2166414783516381387_22225316

October is a big month for raising awareness on important topics, including Domestic Violence. As someone with a close friend who was in a very tense domestic violence situation (and who had pets that made it hard to just leave ASAP) I’m honored to join @purina and @redroverorg in their Take The Lead #purpleleashproject social media challenge. We’re raising awareness for the lack of pet-friendly domestic violence shelters. Let’s make some noise and help domestic abuse victims and their pets get out of dangerous situations for good!

I’m challenging @aplumb580 @sadie__banks and @karli__ellis and ALL of you to Take The Lead for the #purpleleashproject with me!

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #ad #domesticviolenceawareness #domesticabuse #purinaproplan #goldendoodleselfie #goldendoodledaily #doodledog #goldenretrieversrule

Instagram post 2165769613049472118_22225316

One minute you’re young and cool...#ad⠀
⠀
And the next, you’re getting really excited about a new vacuum...there is no in between.⠀
⠀
If my new @ecovacs_us Deebot was a person, I would hug it daily. It has kept the dog fur dust bunnies completely under control at absolutely no effort on my part (I used to vacuum every other day just to try to keep the dog hair somewhat under control.) I just set a schedule and like clockwork, it runs every night at 5:30, sucking up all of the dirt and grass the dogs drag in, along with all the Rosie Roo hair. BONUS: it also has a mopping feature so I’ll be able to stay on top of the mud as we get into the wet winter months.⠀
⠀
Anyone else feel like they could benefit from a little vacuum buddy like my deebot?⠀ #moremetimewithecovacs #allforyou #nothingmissed #heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #vacuum #robotvacuum #giftideasforher #dogmomlife #furmom #dogmama #goldendoodlesofinsta #adultingishard #adultlife

Instagram post 2158346489798524973_22225316

How do you mend a broken jack-o-lantern?⠀
⠀
With a pumpkin patch! 🎃

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #pumpkinpatch #pumpkinpicking #punnyjokes #draperutah #pumpkinpicking #falloutfits #fallsweater #sweaterweather #sweaterseason #autumncolors #autumnoutfit #puns

Instagram post 2155651032118925870_22225316

I am 1 in 4.
After we lost our baby two years ago, I learned how truly complex grief is. For the first few weeks, I literally felt like the sadness would swallow me up whole. I questioned everything about my life and who I am and my future. I questioned my faith. I felt like I had “done my time” so to say, with cancer, and wanted to know why I was being given another burden to carry. I found myself hating my body and feeling like it had betrayed me once again. I literally wanted to crawl out of my skin and sleep for days.

Even now, two years later, I have days where I still feel so sad, and then I almost feel bad about it. I mean, we weren’t pregnant for very long, this happens very frequently, we didn’t meet this baby, we didn’t even get to hear the heartbeat. But here’s the truth: Dustin and I lost our baby. And that comes with a very deep and real pain that demands to be felt.
So to the women who are in the 1 in 4 club with me: it’s okay if you still feel sad, even years later. It’s okay if you still grieve. It’s okay to feel however you feel. I’m sorry that you’re in the club with me, but I’m here for you. I see you. I love you. You are not alone.
I am 1 in 4.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #pregnancyloss #pregnancylossawareness #pregnancylosssupport #miscarriageawareness #miscarriage #ihadamiscarriage #cancersurvivor #childhoodcancerawareness #childhoodcancer

Instagram post 2154750565339819011_22225316

If we were having lunch, I’d tell you...⠀
⠀
That I recently got promoted at work! You’re looking at the new Content Manager for @shopmscb! I would tell you how much I enjoy my job, the people I work with, and the people I serve. I have never felt so fulfilled or aligned in what I’m doing.

I would tell you how, on a regular Wednesday afternoon a few weeks ago, I decided to do some research on my cancer treatment and infertility because something just wasn’t sitting right with me. I would tell you how my heart dropped right to my gut when I came across a list of chemos that are most likely to cause infertility and saw two of my three chemos listed there. I would tell you how Dustin held me while I sobbed, feeling frustrated that no one has taken my health history seriously enough to look into this, and terrified that our pregnancy two years ago was the only one I’ll ever get to experience. ⠀
⠀
If we were having lunch, I would tell you that we made an appointment with a fertility specialist at the fertility clinic for this month. I’m terrified. But I’m also tired of waiting for someone to take my health history seriously. I would tell you that I’m doing my best to advocate for myself and to take my health into my own hands. ⠀
⠀
I would tell you that this week is historically hard for me. I’ll be mourning the loss of our baby on October 15th and that I’ll be mourning the loss of my darling friend and roommate from my cancer floor the next day. And in the midst of the grief, I’ll be trying to celebrate my official remission anniversary and 13 years being cancer free.

I would tell you how, despite how hard October is for me, I still love this month so much. That Autumn makes my soul feel alive and reminds me how beautiful and necessary change is. I would tell you that, despite how heartbroken I feel right now, I still feel so completely alive. I would tell you that I’m happy. That I still believe in miracles. And that I am hopeful for what the future will bring.

#heytherechelsie #childhoodcancer #childhoodcancersucks #pediatriccancer #cancersurvivor #infertilitysucks #infertilityjourney #miscarriageawareness #pregnancyloss #childhoodcancersurvivor #ttc

Instagram post 2145477146429388077_22225316

For most people, October is the month of scary movies. I am NOT one of those people. #ad We’re pumped that the Yesterday DVD is now available at @walmart so that we can cozy up with each other and the doggos for a fun movie night without the nightmares! @yesterdaymovie has it all: good music, a mesmerizing story, and lots of laughs along the way. Add some popcorn, candles, and twinkle lights and you have my kind of October movie night!⠀
Have you seen Yesterday yet?⠀
⠀
#yesterdaymovieatwalmart #pmedja #heytherechelsie #movienights #fallnight #fallnights #autumnnights #datenightideas #datenights #moviedate #movielovers #goldendoodle_daily #goldenretriever_

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