Invest in People who Invest in You | #yearofme
At the beginning of January, I declared that 2018 was going to be the #yearofme. I was going to focus on removing all the excess in my life that bogged me down and prevented me from doing the things I truly wanted. I was going to be more in tune with my dreams and goals and dedicate the year to growing and learning and being unashamedly myself.
Friends. I’m not kidding when I say that my life has completely changed since I decided (and put into the universe) that 2018 was going to be the #yearofme. I have never felt more sure of myself or more confident in who I am and where I’m going. At the same time, I’ve been doing a LOT of growing and learning. I’ve been challenging myself in new ways and working hard on being better. I think when we become adults, we become complacent with personal or self-development. Or at least, that’s how it was for me. “I am who I am. I will always have these habits. I will always think this way.” Etc. Etc.
But since I’ve dived back into this state of learning and stretching and changing, I’ve realized that self-improvement SHOULD be an on-going thing. My life has become so. much. better. since I started looking back at myself and saying: “Hey Chelsie, you’re awesome, but you have the potential to be even better if you let yourself grow.” It’s been freeing and SO empowering to be letting go and changing and growing.
SO. Long story short – this brings me to a #yearofme lesson that I want to talk about today: Investing in People Who Invest in You. This has been a huge shift in my thinking and in my life over the last couple of months and it’s completely changed the way I approach my relationships and friendships. Ever since making the conscious choice to only invest in people who invest back in me, my life has become 10X more vibrant and 10X less stressful.
Let me explain:
Here’s the thing: We only a certain amount of time and energy to spend every day. It’s so so important to our mental and physical health (and sanity) to use that energy in places that build us up and help us feel rejuvenated and not drained. Looking back at where I was at the end of last year (before I decided to work on #yearofme) I realized I was bending over backward to meet the needs and expectations of everyone in my life without having it reciprocated. I was using all my energy and time to be as good of a friend as I could to everyone who required it of me. I realize now that some of those people were walking all over me and taking advantage of me and not being a good friend back (maybe unintentionally, but still.) I was completely exhausted and emotionally spent trying to stay on top of everything and instead of feeling awesome at the end of a day, I felt discouraged and lonely because no one seemed to be going the extra mile to be a good friend to me. It was #badnewsbears.
Now don’t get me wrong: It’s important to be a good friend! I love being a good friend – to me, it means that you coordinate get-togethers and do everything you can to make sure everyone feels included. You help them out as best you can when they need help. You drop everything when they need something. You respond to the two AM text messages and you pick up the random 3:00 Facetime call to make sure everything is okay. In blog land, it means you bounce ideas off of each other, you help each other word tricky emails, and you gladly coordinate collaborations to work together. It means you genuinely celebrate each other’s wins and victories instead of feeling jealous or making them feel bad that you didn’t have that same success.
But as time has gone on over the last few months, I’ve realized that I’d much rather be the best friend I can be to those who return the favor. The people who pick up the phone for me at 2 AM when I need to talk about something. The people who show up to the get-togethers I plan for them. The people who show up for me as consistently as I show up for them.
Becuase that’s when REAL friendships are formed: when you consistently show up for each other.
Friendship is not formed when people only choose me when it fits their needs.
Since making a more conscious effort to only invest in those who invest in me, I’ve found that I’m always in a better mood. I’m more positive. I look forward to hanging out with the friends who invest back in me because I know they genuinely care about me. I’m excited to spend time with them (instead of anxious or stressed.) I don’t feel lonely or used – I feel LOVED! I have some of the strongest friendships I’ve ever had because I decided to stop trying to please everyone and to just focus on those who choose me.
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that if you need permission to cut out people in your life that are not investing back in you, then I’m giving it to you. That doesn’t mean you hate them. That doesn’t mean you cold-shoulder them. That doesn’t mean you talk about them behind their back. But it does mean that you set boundaries for yourself and you don’t feel guilty for protecting your time and your space and your soul. Wasted time is worse than wasted money. Invest in those who you know will feed you as much good as you feed them.
Okay, give it to me in the comments below: do you need to revisit the people your investing in?