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Today is my 32nd birthday and if there’s anythin Today is my 32nd birthday and if there’s anything I’ve learned in my last year that I want to take with me into this year, it’s this:

I make my own magic 🪄

I am capable of creating, crafting, and designing this next chapter of life to be whatever I want. Infertility cannot stop me anymore. And I can’t wait.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #harrypotterworldorlando #birthdaywish #lifeafterinfertility #childlessnotbychoice #ttccommunity #lifeaftermiscarriage
Happy birthday to my ride-or-die and bff for life Happy birthday to my ride-or-die and bff for life @ericaligenza. To have her in your life means you have the most loyal, inspiring, and generous friend that you would ever ask for. I can’t believe that this little app brought us together (with our girl @blondeandambitiousblog) so many years ago. Grateful that they both turned out to be real people (lol) and women who have held me up during the hardest times of my adult life. 

Hope you have the best day, E! Counting down the days until we are together again! ❤️

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #friendsforkeeps #instagramfriends #marchbirthday #friendshipbracelets #bffgoals👭
We fix each other’s crowns instead of pointing o We fix each other’s crowns instead of pointing out they are crooked. 👑 

To the women to always have my back, who inspire me daily to level up, who cry with me, who cheer me on, who save a seat at the table for me, and who keep fighting the good fight - I love you. You keep my world vibrant, and keep me going on my hardest days. 

Happy International Women’s Day!

#womensmonth #internationalwomensday #girlganggoals #girlgangs #womenhelpingwomen #squad❤️
2021 felt like a dumpster fire that burned out of 2021 felt like a dumpster fire that burned out of control about 90% of the time. Between a cancer scare that resulted in countless scans and blood tests, failed infertility treatments that broke our hearts every time, no matter how much we tried not to get our hopes up, and then the devastating blow that I needed to have a total hysterectomy and thus ending any hopes we had of starting our family - I felt like my life and my hopes and my dreams for our future had been reduced to a pile of ash. 

It feels surreal, to be starting the new year feeling so grateful for where 2021 left me. For the first time in four years, I have energy, motivation, and can actually get out of bed without being in extreme pain. I can actually think beyond the next 24 hours and make plans that I can follow through on. My life doesn’t revolve around iron transfusions, cycle tracking, or the anxiety that comes with the two week wait. 

What’s been even more surreal is to be able to say that I have been finding more acceptance and purpose in our new childless future and life. If I can’t have the life I planned on, then I’m going to live the hell out of the life I have instead. Dustin and I are rebuilding our futures both separately and together, and for the first time in four years, I’m excited to see what comes next for us. I feel more steady in this new life and more sure of the path we’re on then ever before. 

For in order to rise from its own ashes, 
A phoenix must first burn. 

2021 burned me. 
So I’m 2022, I will rise. 

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #childlessnotbychoice #childlessafterinfertility #lifeafterinfertility #findingpurpose #ttccommunity #infertilityawareness #jamaicavacation #wordoftheyear #ttcsupport
Endlessly grateful for being 6 weeks post op from Endlessly grateful for being 6 weeks post op from my total hysterectomy and feeling more like myself than I have in over a year. And I’m endlessly grateful for this guy - who has been my rock through every doctor’s appointment, every procedure, and every day I couldn’t get out of bed. Not only that, he is the sweetest, most tender uncle to our nieces that I could ever hope or ask for to share our girls with.
Just grateful for my health and my love and the hope for better days.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #ttccommunity #hysterectomy #hysterectomyrecovery #ttcjourney #husbandwife #ttcsupport #infertilitysucks
You are the keeper of all my secrets, the guardian You are the keeper of all my secrets, the guardian against all my fears, and the safe place I call home. 

Grateful to have you by my side as we walk into an unknown future that neither of us were prepared to face. But every day we walk further down our new road, I find more solid footing and more hope for what’s to come, because you keep me grounded through the waves of grief.

I love you. ❤️

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #hysterectomy #childlessnotbychoice #ttccommunity #childless #adenomyosis #ttcjourney #infertilityawareness
I’m officially three weeks post hysterectomy tod I’m officially three weeks post hysterectomy today and was feeling well enough to shoot the holiday campaign photos for @shopmscb (with the help from my partner in crime, @kenzie_peach)

In fact, I told my surgeon last week at my first post-op appointment that I’m actually feeling the best I’ve felt ALL year. And I mean, that’s saying something since I was only two weeks post-op then, right? 

Even though the decision to go through with the hysterectomy felt impossibly hard to make, I know now that I made the right choice for me, my sanity, and my body. I feel more like me in the last week than I have in over a year. It’s like I’m waking up from a long, painful, dark hibernation and my world is starting to fill with vibrant colors again.

And even though I’m still sad it had to come to this, I am also feeling excited for what’s to come.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #hysterectomy #hysterectomyrecovery #childlessnotbychoice #ttccommunity #infertilityawareness #infertilitywarrior #ttccommunity
There’s been a little more laughter in our home There’s been a little more laughter in our home lately. Snuggles and kisses and staying up way too late watching Netflix. It’s like the worst is behind us and we’re on the other side of what we’ve been dreading and the darkness that has covered us for so long is starting to lift. It doesn’t mean we’re 100% okay, but we can feel the light and the hope for the future and we’re choosing to face it hand-in-hand, together. 

And every night, you whisper to me: “This isn’t your fault. You’re my best friend. I love you more today than ever before. We’re going to live a beautiful life together.” And every night, we grow a little bit closer and our hearts mend a little more, and I know deep in my bones, that we’re going to be okay.

I love you, Dustin.

#ttccommunity #ttcjourney #hysterectomy #childfreenotbychoice #childfreeafterinfertility #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #healingafterinfertility

Hey There, Chelsie

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Lifestyle + Personal

Reflections on an old year (and new)

Frozen inspired makeup look

I’ve been trying to write this post for over a week now and it’s been hard to get out. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t written a legit blog post in quite some time (like almost two months…wow) or if it’s because I’m just having a hard time finding the words to express all the thoughts bouncing around in my head for a while now, but it’s been hard to get this out. Also, I’m a perfectionist, and I’m just going to have to accept that this won’t be perfect. Done is fun, right?

Obviously, as stated before, it’s been a hot second since I wrote a blog post. While HTC definitely has taken a back seat over the second part of 2019, largely due in part to my job, it’s also because Dust and I have been going through a lot, personally. It’s probably not a secret to you, because I’ve tried to be somewhat open about it, but we’ve been handed some pretty overwhelming health challenges that have been connected to our inability to start our family. Yep. Infertility, caused as of right now, reoccurring polyps/fibroids in my uterus that have been wreaking havoc upon my life for a year. I’ll spare you the gory details. I already had one surgery in July and have another on this coming Thursday to try to remove the stupid things that keep growing back and, to be honest, it’s just been a lot. It’s just been a lot.

My word of the year for 2019 was Courage. I wanted to be courageous in facing my fears/PTSD from our miscarriage and start trying again for a baby. I wanted to have the courage to go back to therapy to get a handle on my anxiety. I wanted to have the courage in growing my passion projects and courage in growing in my new (at the time) job. When I look back at 2019, I feel immensely proud of the courage I was able to muster and hold on to.

Even though I had two awful appointments with two separate therapists, I still kept trying to find someone to talk to and finally ended up back in therapy with someone I trust and who has helped me work through a lot of my PTSD. Even though I had a miscarriage and was terrified of trying again for a baby, I found the courage to try again (and again and again) and when things were clearly wrong, I found the courage to go to the doctor and fight for answers. After being somewhat unsatisfied with those answers, and the results of my surgery, I found the courage to set up an appointment with a fertility specialist on my own to get answers. And then, I found the courage to go against his recommended course of action and to get a series of tests done first, which confirmed that I would need another surgery. I was courageous at work and tried to be more proactive in situations where I could be. I was rewarded with a promotion and new projects and responsibilities that I’m so excited about. So yeah, I was courageous during 2019, and even though I often didn’t feel like it in the moment, I can look back and see it. I’m so proud of myself and the growth I can see in who I was and who I became during 2019.

But when I look back at 2019, I don’t feel successful. I don’t feel a lot of joy or feel a lot of accomplishment. I just see a lot of heartache and tears and disappointment. My only goal in 2019 was to start our family. To be pregnant. To be successfully pregnant. And instead, we’ve started the new year with a new mass in my uterus and another surgery 9 days in and our timeline for starting infertility treatments pushed back even further.

And man, all of that just really weighed on me during the year. It made me really sad. And it really put me in the trenches. And if I’m being honest, I’m still there, trying to claw my way out.

I don’t know what the point is of sharing all of this, except to say that looking back on 2019, I was only courageous in fighting for my one goal for the year. I completely and totally lacked in courage to show up for my life in the meantime. Instead, I let infertility plant a bitter seed in my heart and it’s been growing wildly without me realizing it, completely unchecked and unchallenged. It’s left me hyper-sensitive, jealous, angry, and completely devoid of the vibrancy I’ve been striving to live my life with. It’s robbed me of my sanity, challenged my faith, and put stress on relationships that are most important to me. For thirteen years of my life, I’ve been fighting to take back what cancer stole from me, only to wake up a few days ago and realize infertility had taken it right back from me.

And that pisses me off.

One of my best friends, Erica, asked to interview me on her podcast and to share a little bit about my journey this last year and the tips and tricks and coping mechanisms I use to keep my head above water. After we finished the interview, we continued to chat for a while about going through hard things, and before I completely realized what I was thinking, I said to her:

“If I can’t control it, then I won’t let it control me.”

We both stopped talking for a minute while we let that hang in the air. And now, at the beginning of 2020, I think I better try my best to take my own advice and get a handle on this thing that’s been absolutely controlling me. I know it won’t be easy. I know that it won’t always be sunshine and daisies. And I know that I’ll still get sad. But I’m so, so over letting something I cannot control, control me.

So that’s where I’m at, at the beginning of this new year. Acknowledging the trenches I’ve been in and doing my best to get myself out.

I want to be happy again. 

Leave a Comment · Written On:January 8, 2020

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ChelsChats: 2020 Life Update

Chelsie - Hey There Chelsie

Hey there, I’m Chelsie!

Pediatric Cancer Survivor, Infertility Warrior, and Jeep Enthusiast.

I healed my relationship with my body through makeup and clothes and found confidence in living a full and vibrant life through the process.

Whether we’re chatting style tips, makeup tricks, or strategies for personal growth, I’m here to help you find and embrace your inner vibrance.

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Today is my 32nd birthday and if there’s anythin Today is my 32nd birthday and if there’s anything I’ve learned in my last year that I want to take with me into this year, it’s this:

I make my own magic 🪄

I am capable of creating, crafting, and designing this next chapter of life to be whatever I want. Infertility cannot stop me anymore. And I can’t wait.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #harrypotterworldorlando #birthdaywish #lifeafterinfertility #childlessnotbychoice #ttccommunity #lifeaftermiscarriage
Happy birthday to my ride-or-die and bff for life Happy birthday to my ride-or-die and bff for life @ericaligenza. To have her in your life means you have the most loyal, inspiring, and generous friend that you would ever ask for. I can’t believe that this little app brought us together (with our girl @blondeandambitiousblog) so many years ago. Grateful that they both turned out to be real people (lol) and women who have held me up during the hardest times of my adult life. 

Hope you have the best day, E! Counting down the days until we are together again! ❤️

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #friendsforkeeps #instagramfriends #marchbirthday #friendshipbracelets #bffgoals👭
We fix each other’s crowns instead of pointing o We fix each other’s crowns instead of pointing out they are crooked. 👑 

To the women to always have my back, who inspire me daily to level up, who cry with me, who cheer me on, who save a seat at the table for me, and who keep fighting the good fight - I love you. You keep my world vibrant, and keep me going on my hardest days. 

Happy International Women’s Day!

#womensmonth #internationalwomensday #girlganggoals #girlgangs #womenhelpingwomen #squad❤️
2021 felt like a dumpster fire that burned out of 2021 felt like a dumpster fire that burned out of control about 90% of the time. Between a cancer scare that resulted in countless scans and blood tests, failed infertility treatments that broke our hearts every time, no matter how much we tried not to get our hopes up, and then the devastating blow that I needed to have a total hysterectomy and thus ending any hopes we had of starting our family - I felt like my life and my hopes and my dreams for our future had been reduced to a pile of ash. 

It feels surreal, to be starting the new year feeling so grateful for where 2021 left me. For the first time in four years, I have energy, motivation, and can actually get out of bed without being in extreme pain. I can actually think beyond the next 24 hours and make plans that I can follow through on. My life doesn’t revolve around iron transfusions, cycle tracking, or the anxiety that comes with the two week wait. 

What’s been even more surreal is to be able to say that I have been finding more acceptance and purpose in our new childless future and life. If I can’t have the life I planned on, then I’m going to live the hell out of the life I have instead. Dustin and I are rebuilding our futures both separately and together, and for the first time in four years, I’m excited to see what comes next for us. I feel more steady in this new life and more sure of the path we’re on then ever before. 

For in order to rise from its own ashes, 
A phoenix must first burn. 

2021 burned me. 
So I’m 2022, I will rise. 

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #childlessnotbychoice #childlessafterinfertility #lifeafterinfertility #findingpurpose #ttccommunity #infertilityawareness #jamaicavacation #wordoftheyear #ttcsupport
Endlessly grateful for being 6 weeks post op from Endlessly grateful for being 6 weeks post op from my total hysterectomy and feeling more like myself than I have in over a year. And I’m endlessly grateful for this guy - who has been my rock through every doctor’s appointment, every procedure, and every day I couldn’t get out of bed. Not only that, he is the sweetest, most tender uncle to our nieces that I could ever hope or ask for to share our girls with.
Just grateful for my health and my love and the hope for better days.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #ttccommunity #hysterectomy #hysterectomyrecovery #ttcjourney #husbandwife #ttcsupport #infertilitysucks
You are the keeper of all my secrets, the guardian You are the keeper of all my secrets, the guardian against all my fears, and the safe place I call home. 

Grateful to have you by my side as we walk into an unknown future that neither of us were prepared to face. But every day we walk further down our new road, I find more solid footing and more hope for what’s to come, because you keep me grounded through the waves of grief.

I love you. ❤️

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #hysterectomy #childlessnotbychoice #ttccommunity #childless #adenomyosis #ttcjourney #infertilityawareness
I’m officially three weeks post hysterectomy tod I’m officially three weeks post hysterectomy today and was feeling well enough to shoot the holiday campaign photos for @shopmscb (with the help from my partner in crime, @kenzie_peach)

In fact, I told my surgeon last week at my first post-op appointment that I’m actually feeling the best I’ve felt ALL year. And I mean, that’s saying something since I was only two weeks post-op then, right? 

Even though the decision to go through with the hysterectomy felt impossibly hard to make, I know now that I made the right choice for me, my sanity, and my body. I feel more like me in the last week than I have in over a year. It’s like I’m waking up from a long, painful, dark hibernation and my world is starting to fill with vibrant colors again.

And even though I’m still sad it had to come to this, I am also feeling excited for what’s to come.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #hysterectomy #hysterectomyrecovery #childlessnotbychoice #ttccommunity #infertilityawareness #infertilitywarrior #ttccommunity
There’s been a little more laughter in our home There’s been a little more laughter in our home lately. Snuggles and kisses and staying up way too late watching Netflix. It’s like the worst is behind us and we’re on the other side of what we’ve been dreading and the darkness that has covered us for so long is starting to lift. It doesn’t mean we’re 100% okay, but we can feel the light and the hope for the future and we’re choosing to face it hand-in-hand, together. 

And every night, you whisper to me: “This isn’t your fault. You’re my best friend. I love you more today than ever before. We’re going to live a beautiful life together.” And every night, we grow a little bit closer and our hearts mend a little more, and I know deep in my bones, that we’re going to be okay.

I love you, Dustin.

#ttccommunity #ttcjourney #hysterectomy #childfreenotbychoice #childfreeafterinfertility #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #healingafterinfertility

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Today is my 32nd birthday and if there’s anythin Today is my 32nd birthday and if there’s anything I’ve learned in my last year that I want to take with me into this year, it’s this:

I make my own magic 🪄

I am capable of creating, crafting, and designing this next chapter of life to be whatever I want. Infertility cannot stop me anymore. And I can’t wait.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #harrypotterworldorlando #birthdaywish #lifeafterinfertility #childlessnotbychoice #ttccommunity #lifeaftermiscarriage
Happy birthday to my ride-or-die and bff for life Happy birthday to my ride-or-die and bff for life @ericaligenza. To have her in your life means you have the most loyal, inspiring, and generous friend that you would ever ask for. I can’t believe that this little app brought us together (with our girl @blondeandambitiousblog) so many years ago. Grateful that they both turned out to be real people (lol) and women who have held me up during the hardest times of my adult life. 

Hope you have the best day, E! Counting down the days until we are together again! ❤️

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #friendsforkeeps #instagramfriends #marchbirthday #friendshipbracelets #bffgoals👭
We fix each other’s crowns instead of pointing o We fix each other’s crowns instead of pointing out they are crooked. 👑 

To the women to always have my back, who inspire me daily to level up, who cry with me, who cheer me on, who save a seat at the table for me, and who keep fighting the good fight - I love you. You keep my world vibrant, and keep me going on my hardest days. 

Happy International Women’s Day!

#womensmonth #internationalwomensday #girlganggoals #girlgangs #womenhelpingwomen #squad❤️
2021 felt like a dumpster fire that burned out of 2021 felt like a dumpster fire that burned out of control about 90% of the time. Between a cancer scare that resulted in countless scans and blood tests, failed infertility treatments that broke our hearts every time, no matter how much we tried not to get our hopes up, and then the devastating blow that I needed to have a total hysterectomy and thus ending any hopes we had of starting our family - I felt like my life and my hopes and my dreams for our future had been reduced to a pile of ash. 

It feels surreal, to be starting the new year feeling so grateful for where 2021 left me. For the first time in four years, I have energy, motivation, and can actually get out of bed without being in extreme pain. I can actually think beyond the next 24 hours and make plans that I can follow through on. My life doesn’t revolve around iron transfusions, cycle tracking, or the anxiety that comes with the two week wait. 

What’s been even more surreal is to be able to say that I have been finding more acceptance and purpose in our new childless future and life. If I can’t have the life I planned on, then I’m going to live the hell out of the life I have instead. Dustin and I are rebuilding our futures both separately and together, and for the first time in four years, I’m excited to see what comes next for us. I feel more steady in this new life and more sure of the path we’re on then ever before. 

For in order to rise from its own ashes, 
A phoenix must first burn. 

2021 burned me. 
So I’m 2022, I will rise. 

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #childlessnotbychoice #childlessafterinfertility #lifeafterinfertility #findingpurpose #ttccommunity #infertilityawareness #jamaicavacation #wordoftheyear #ttcsupport
Endlessly grateful for being 6 weeks post op from Endlessly grateful for being 6 weeks post op from my total hysterectomy and feeling more like myself than I have in over a year. And I’m endlessly grateful for this guy - who has been my rock through every doctor’s appointment, every procedure, and every day I couldn’t get out of bed. Not only that, he is the sweetest, most tender uncle to our nieces that I could ever hope or ask for to share our girls with.
Just grateful for my health and my love and the hope for better days.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #ttccommunity #hysterectomy #hysterectomyrecovery #ttcjourney #husbandwife #ttcsupport #infertilitysucks
You are the keeper of all my secrets, the guardian You are the keeper of all my secrets, the guardian against all my fears, and the safe place I call home. 

Grateful to have you by my side as we walk into an unknown future that neither of us were prepared to face. But every day we walk further down our new road, I find more solid footing and more hope for what’s to come, because you keep me grounded through the waves of grief.

I love you. ❤️

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #hysterectomy #childlessnotbychoice #ttccommunity #childless #adenomyosis #ttcjourney #infertilityawareness
I’m officially three weeks post hysterectomy tod I’m officially three weeks post hysterectomy today and was feeling well enough to shoot the holiday campaign photos for @shopmscb (with the help from my partner in crime, @kenzie_peach)

In fact, I told my surgeon last week at my first post-op appointment that I’m actually feeling the best I’ve felt ALL year. And I mean, that’s saying something since I was only two weeks post-op then, right? 

Even though the decision to go through with the hysterectomy felt impossibly hard to make, I know now that I made the right choice for me, my sanity, and my body. I feel more like me in the last week than I have in over a year. It’s like I’m waking up from a long, painful, dark hibernation and my world is starting to fill with vibrant colors again.

And even though I’m still sad it had to come to this, I am also feeling excited for what’s to come.

#heytherechelsie #myvibrantlife #hysterectomy #hysterectomyrecovery #childlessnotbychoice #ttccommunity #infertilityawareness #infertilitywarrior #ttccommunity
There’s been a little more laughter in our home There’s been a little more laughter in our home lately. Snuggles and kisses and staying up way too late watching Netflix. It’s like the worst is behind us and we’re on the other side of what we’ve been dreading and the darkness that has covered us for so long is starting to lift. It doesn’t mean we’re 100% okay, but we can feel the light and the hope for the future and we’re choosing to face it hand-in-hand, together. 

And every night, you whisper to me: “This isn’t your fault. You’re my best friend. I love you more today than ever before. We’re going to live a beautiful life together.” And every night, we grow a little bit closer and our hearts mend a little more, and I know deep in my bones, that we’re going to be okay.

I love you, Dustin.

#ttccommunity #ttcjourney #hysterectomy #childfreenotbychoice #childfreeafterinfertility #infertilityawareness #infertilitysucks #healingafterinfertility

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