On Being in Limbo (Both in Blogging & Life)
I feel like I’ve been in limbo for a while now and it’s starting to wear me down and I just need to chat about it. Thanks in advance for just being a sounding board.
A few months ago, back when we were in Arizona, I had such a clear vision for my life and my blog. I was working tirelessly day in and day out on growing my online space and presence. I attended countless webinars, poured over a dozen daily emails from blogging gurus, and spent a lot of money on courses, classes, and systems. I found myself so motivated by the connections I was making online and the money I was actually able to make off of it. I felt happier than I had ever been, being my own boss, being home with Rosie and being able to be a better wife.
It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling with my blog since our last move to Louisiana. I had to take a two-week break to get through our move without losing my sanity and I’ve struggled to be consistent with posting ever since. I found that my blog was becoming a source of anxiety for me. I was so worried about not writing a post that was interesting enough or not on niche enough or wouldn’t get me enough page views. And to be honest, I was so exhausted with pouring my all into my space and not seeing the results I wanted to. I made the conscious choice to go back to my blogging roots and to turn my back on the “you must have a niche to be successful” mantra, and while that’s helped me, I still haven’t been able to find the motivation I once had.
And, if I’m being honest with myself, I think it’s because there’s more to it than just my struggles with my blog. I’ve been feeling a little stuck in life in general. This move has been worth the every sacrifice, and at the same time, it’s put new questions and obstacles in our (or really, my) way. We’re not too sure what comes after this summer, if it will be our last move for a while, or if we’ll be doing this whole LA thing for a while. Not knowing puts a lot of other plans and options up in the air, so it’s hard for me to want to work on anything because I’m not sure if it will be worth it in the long run.
Don’t get me wrong, I have a very happy and beautiful life. I have everything I could ever want right now. I have a family who I love, I have a husband who cherishes me, and I get to be the mama to the sweetest golden pup in the world. We have a roof over our heads, food on our table and a tv to watch GOT on. My husband works so hard to provide for us and it’s solely because of his dedication that we’re finally so much in the positive financially. But this move has really thrown me off balance. I can’t put my finger on it, exactly. Maybe it’s not knowing what exactly life is going to be like after this summer. Maybe it’s the fact that my social media accounts give me more anxiety than joy recently, with everything going on in the world. Maybe it’s the fact that I have more of a purpose outside of my blog than I used to (like taking care of Rosie’s pal, Cooper, cooking for a hungry group of 12 every other Monday, and actually spending time with friends.) Life is just different here and not in a bad way, just in a way that has changed my priorities and it’s been a struggle to find a new balance with things.
What I do know is that I feel a little lost when it comes to what I’m supposed to be doing with my life right now. This year was supposed to be the year of my blog and it all of a sudden isn’t anymore. And I think it’s my fault for letting it get that way. I let others tell me that I wasn’t being successful and I let my own insecurities get in the way of my dreams and goals. I let others success discourage me instead of motivate me. I let the changes in my life take control over the things that I loved. I let my anxiety of what others might think influence my ability to act. I stopped controlling my own life and used being in limbo as an excuse.
And I’m done with that. I’m going to be fearless and move forward, regardless of the limbo I’m in. I’m not going to worry as much about how my future plans aren’t really plans and work on the here and now. One day at a time. Someone else’s success is not my failure and the only time I’ll ever fail is if I stop trying.
So here I am. In Limbo. Trying.
Have you been in limbo before? What did you do to get out of your rut?